Campbell
It’s September 26th, 2016. My name is Tyler Campbell and I am conducting an oral history with Joel Strack of the Orlando Gay Chorus. The interview’s being conducted in the conference room at the Center for Humanities and Digital Research at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, Florida. Um, can you start by, uh, telling us your name and how you came to be associated with the Orlando Gay Chorus?
Strack
Yeah, my name is Joel Strack, and, um, I actually have the distinct position of being one of the founding members of the [Orlando] Gay Chorus, and even sort of, um, uh, before the Gay Chorus, when it was still in its, uh, idea state, I had a—I had a gay cousin—still have a gay cousin, Nardy, and Nardy sang with the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus, and the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus was going to a GALA Festival. GALA is the Gay and Lesbian Association of Choruses, and they do a—they did at that point a festival about every three years, and so they were doing their GALA Festival in Seattle, and Nardy asked if I wanted to join him so he had somebody to hang out with while they were in Seattle, and I said, “Sure,” um, got set up, um, with tickets and everything, and as I sat there watching these choruses from throughout the U.S. perform, I said, “We’ve got to have this in Orlando. This would be something”—and I started saying that out loud to people, you know? “O—Orlando’s gotta have something like this,” and, um, along the way, someone said, “Oh, you need to talk to David Schuler. David Schuler sings with the River City Gay Chorus—or Mixed Chorus—and, um, he’s moving to Orlando, and he wants, you know—it’s one of his dreams, because he was an executive with the River City Chorus—to be, um—to have a chorus here in Orlando.” So David and I met on the steps outside of one of the concert halls. I remember standing there in my overalls, ‘cause that was fashionable of—at the time, and, um, chatting with David about, you know, how this might work out.
I was sitting on the Board of Directors here in town for what was then, uh, GCS—the Gay Community Services. Now it’s The Center,[1] and so I was sitting on the board at GCS, and I went to the board, um, when I got home and said, “Wo—would the board be willing to set aside a certain amount of money as seed money for this organization—this new organization to get its legs under itself?” And the board, um, did set aside $500, which was a pretty big chunk of money back then, for the group, um—for us to be able to do a seed concert, and David sort of took over the helm, because he’d been part of the GALA choruses already, contacted the South Florida Gay Men’s Chorus and the Gay Men’s Chorus of Tampa, who came in and actually did the f—initial concert at Valencia College, and, um, so we had our—our first, uh, concert, and everybody who came was given the opportunity to sing up if they were interested in getting more information about the potential of starting a gay chorus here in Orlando. We ended up with about 65 people that signed the list. When we had our first gathering and contacted the people, about 30 people showed up, which was a pretty good ratio considering, and, um,—and that’s sort of when it started happening, um, and that’s how I became involved, um…
Campbell
And w—what year was that?
Strack
This would have been 1991 or ’90. ’90 would have been the seed concert and the meeting. Um, and then we actually incorporated, um, on February 14th—on Valentine’s Day in 1991—was the incorporation of the Orlando Gay Chorus, and I remember those first meetings as we were m—moving towards incorporation, w—what’s—what’s your name gonna be? What’s our name gonna be? And we—is it gonna be “Gay” first or is it gonna be “Orlando” first? ‘Cause there was lots of, you know, “The Gay Chorus of New York” and the “Gay Chorus of Boston,” uh, and—and are we gonna use the word “Men’s” in our title or is it just gonna stand alone, “Gay?” And it got pretty, um, um, intense as people were talking about why they thought a different placement of words, what words—are we “The Gay Chorus of Central Florida?” Are we “Greater Orlando?” Are we just “Orlando?” All of those things were part of the discussion, and, um, one of the founding members was Penny [Jo] Chessmen, and so having a woman singing a tenor part with us led a number of us to say, “Well, we can’t disqualify her by choosing ‘Men’ as part of our name,” and, um—and she was pushing—or not pushing. She’s—the suggestion came up that it would be the “Gay and Lesbian Chorus of—of Orlando” or “Central Florida” or whatever. Anyway, that was—that was a—a[sic] interesting lead-in to actually becoming incorporated, and David, uh, became the first president of the chorus. Um, through a sort of a behind-the-scenes search, Charlie Callahan, who was the, um, uh, Composer-in-Residence at Rollins College, was contacted, and he became our first, uh, director, which was a coup for us.
Um, his—he was a classic music person, uh, that was world-renowned for his organ music. He—he would go and travel through Europe playing organ concerts. Um, interestingly enough, because of that and not working with vocals so much, his style of directing [laughs] was a little bit different than what we currently got[sic] and what we had since then. Um, the first, uh, accompanist was Terry Thomas, and he then became our—when Charlie left, I believe he became our second, um, director, and then he also—Terry came back and became our emergency director at one point. Um, uh, one of the directors had decided, “I’m done” or they had to move or whatever reason. We were—we needed, uh, a director on the fly, and Terry came back to us and actually—and so he’s sort of our little angel savior, uh, director, and over the course we’ve probably had 9 to 12 different directors over our 27 year history. Um, a—a broad variety of individuals with m—m—many different skill sets that they brought to the table, and I think it’s one of the things that made the chorus really strong—was that this person, um, uh, Aubrey [Connelly-Candelario]—Aubrey, um, focused on production. He came from a musical theater background. So suddenly we were doing costumes and sets and—and surprise moments, and not just standing and singing. Um, Absalon, uh, Figueroa came to us, and he was an accompanist, but he was sort of a New Age-y, um, uh, guru-type guy from Canada. Uh, he was living here, um, with his—later to be his husband. Uh, they m—moved to Canada because he—his husband couldn’t stay here, or he couldn’t stay here. So they both moved to Canada. Now they live in Hawaii…
Campbell
[laughs].
Strack
Happily married. I love how things change in the world, um—but Absalon brought, uh, a healing, um, and a—an empowerment sort of spirit to the chorus that was needed at that time because we’d had a[sic] unfortunate experience with a director just prior to Absalon. So every—every director sort of brought in their own gift and made the chorus that much better.
Campbell
Um, how was the—the chorus received in the community in the first—in that early period?
Strack
[laughs] Um, initially, we were sort of, uh, th—th—the arts community didn’t want to have anything to do with us. We actually, um, uh—there was an arts magazine that was published quarterly, and we, um, contacted them to get an advertisement put in about our next—our upcoming holiday concert, and, uh, they refused it because it was too controversial. That—it wasn’t the name of the holiday concert. It was that it was a gay chorus, and they just didn’t want us—anything to do with it. Uh, Valencia College, where we did our first seed concert—we went back to them to try to rent out that same auditorium for our concerts and they refused us, because we weren’t a student organization—was their reasoning, or—or, uh, representing the students of Valencia, and so, uh, we’ve had a number of, um, eh, prickly, uh, unwelcoming experiences during those early years.
Now, th—the—the gay community, the G—GLBT community, was, uh—we were—when we went onstage the first—for our first concert in, um, June of ’91—would have been—yeah—June of ’91, we went onto the stage at the [Orlando] Museum of Art in Orlando—Orlando Museum of Art in their theater, and all of us were like, “W—how is this gonna play in Orlando?” You know? Y—we couldn’t have been more loved. It was—it was just a really, really intense—almost like—almost like the audience had been waiting for something that was that uniquely geared to them that was public and accessible, and it was—the—the—the energy in the room w—we’re—we’re singing and the energy is flowing off the stage, and the audience is there sending it all back at us. It was just—it was really cool, and we still get a lot of that feeling today, but that first one, because we didn’t know—you know, there were people onstage that thought that, you know, somebody’s gonna, uh, do a false alarm or a bomb threat or—and, you know, that, uh—to make sure that this concert didn’t happen, and there—so there was a lot of fear, and there were individuals in the chorus that would not put their names into the program. Even though they were standing there publicly, to have it written down somewhere that somebody could pass onto a boss or onto a principal of a school, eh, or, you know—they just didn’t have their names printed or they used aliases.
Campbell
Mmhmm.
Strack
So those were the early years. Um, it was, uh—we all sang, uh, men’s voice parts even though there were always females in the chorus. From Penny on, we never did a concert without a female or several females onstage with us, but we sang, um, tenor one, tenor two, baritone and bass, and so, most of the women that joined us would sing senor one. Sometimes they’d sing it up an octave. Ironically, um, in our last concert—no, not the last one—the one before, um—one of our bass twos—the low bass parts—was a female—Linda—Linda Knutson. Yeah, I was a section leader at the time and sitting next to her during, uh, rehearsal, and, um, I—I took a bass two part because they—we were just shorthanded, and so I said—and I’m sitting next to Linda and I’m like, [laughs] “You hit those notes way better than I do. Have you ever considered joining the bass two section?” She’s like—she’s like, “Well—well, okay.” So she became our—our low bass—one of our low basses.
Campbell
Um, how have you, uh, kind of—if you can kind of describe the—the—the change—maybe the reception of the community over the course—from when you first started to maybe this year. Um, has that relationship with the community changed and kind of in what ways?
Strack
Yeah, um, definitely changed, and part of it was that, um, as the gay and lesbian community in Orlando came out, um, the arts community started recognizing us not as a key element or a gem within, but part of a tapestry of art organizations here in Florida. Um, the audiences—interestingly enough, our audiences are—uh, when they do the demographics studies, um, our largest segment of audience members are straight women over the age of 60, and in—again, I think it’s due to the outreach and then the changing nature of how people perceive the gay and lesbian community.
Um, we’ve gone through—depending on who the director is— we’ve gone through different phases of being a little more campy or a little more serious, um, and I—I think that that adds to the totality of what people perceive us to be, and that’s not just, you know—we—we will do the number of “Men in Tights” with—with the sugar plum fairies being the big ol’ bears coming across the stage, dancing th—in their tutus, but it’s one piece within the whole concert. So we’ll—we’ll be self-defacing and joke and be campy, but it’s not all we have to offer, and—and I think the—the community’s responded.
Strack
Probably the biggest change we had during that time was going from being a men’s vocal, uh, group to a mixed vocal group, which we are now. It’s, um, soprano, alto, tenor, bass, and, um, because we kept promoting females joining the chorus, um, one of our presidents, Rob Noll—it became his mission to have more women in the chorus, and so he did a lot of artreach[sic]—outreach and effort to try to get more women, but at certain point[sic], I mean, how can you have women that normally sing soprano having to sing tenor? You know, it’s—it’s hard. It’s not enjoyable for them, and so, w—the—the chorus leadership after Rob, very—uh, I—I won’t say strategically, but very carefully—we started having more and more music where the women starting singing soprano and alto, and, you know, it was two pieces in this concert and there was[sic] four pieces in the next concert, and then pretty soon, it was all the pieces in the concert, and it was never like any—nobody put a stake in the ground and said, “We’re becoming an SATB chorus”—and that’s soprano, alto, tenor, bass. It just—the leadership knew that’s where they wanted to end up and they slowly brought this massive group of unique individuals into that reality, and by the time it happened, anybody[?] who[?] went, “All the music’s SATB?” You know, it’s like, “Yeah, it is.” [laughs] You know, it’s just—it’s sort of a matter of fact now, and p—and there were people that left. There were men that left because that went against their reason for wanting to sing, um, but few—few and far between, and it expanded the number of women that we had, so—because suddenly they were a—a—actually able to sing soprano and alto.
Um, one of the other—eh, back to the question about the community and how the community responded, um, huge, huge, um—the Pulse massacre was probably one of the biggest, um, or—or the most impactful moments for the chorus to take its position within not just the arts community, but the whole…
Campbell
I—I—I kind of want to get into that a little bit more. Um, just you on a personal level, um. How did you—how did you hear about the shooting happen[sic]?
Strack
Mm, um, I am retired, and so I was sleeping in on that Sunday morning, and it was probably 10:30 or so, and, um, I turned off my phone when I went to bed, because my friends have a habit of deciding to send pictures and comments at, you know, 12 at night and one in the morning, and so I had the phone off, and I turned my phone on and there was just a rolodex of—of folks that had sent text messages to me, and, you know— “Are you okay?” “Are you there?” “Is there”—and I—This is really odd. Why in the world—and then, as I started, um—some of ‘em started getting a little more specific. “I just wanted to check to make sure you weren’t, uh, at—at Pulse last night or, um, d—eh, that you weren’t injured.” “I just want to hear from you,” and I went, What? Eh—eh, and then I did, um, my Google search and went, Holy mackerel, and I became part of the web of—“I haven’t heard from you. Is”—my friend Rob, that[sic] I mentioned that was the president, I—I called an, uh, he—nobody answered at his house, and he’s the type of person that might go out to that, uh—Pulse on a whim. Um, me—it’s—it’s not a club I normally would go to. Um, it’s—the crowd is way younger than the people I would be hanging with, but Rob might do that just on a whim, and we couldn’t get a hold of him. He wasn’t answering his cell phone and he wasn’t answering the house phone, but I had his roommate, Sherry[sp]—so I called Sherry’s phone, and she was out walking the dog. I said, “Sherry, I just want to check to make sure Rob’s at home. Is Rob—Rob there?” She goes, “Well, yeah. He was sleeping this morning when I got up.” I’m like, “Okay, just—just wanted to check,” but that was happening everywhere, and to—to spend an hour, hour and a half, two hours checking to see if your friends are alive was really mind blowing. It was so, um—what’s the w—a word that I wanna use for it? It was, eh, eh—it was just unimaginable that—that this could be part of my world now, so—but that’s how I found out—was through people checking in to make sure I was okay, and then I’d reached out to people that might be concerned about me—my parents, family and friends outside of the Orlando area—to make sure they knew I was okay.
Campbell
Hm, um, when was the first time that you got in touch with—that the chorus, uh, decided to maybe have a meeting or anything about th—the actual shooting? Did you guys get together that day, or…
Strack
Um…
Campbell
Any time soon?
Strack
The Sounds of Freedom Band [and Color Guard] by chance was doing their concert, um, i—in Loch Haven Park at the theater there, eh—The REP,[2] and so a number of us got together to go and be with the community, and then the next night, um, we did our first vigil, as I recall. Eh, it was at the Joy Metropolitan Community Church, and the word just spread to the chorus. It wasn’t—there was, you know—“Alright, we’re gonna meet. Here’s what we’re gonna wear,” and we’d done outreaches before, but nothing on this short of a notice. So, uh, we got together and did the—that vigil, and, uh, some of the—some of the tapes went international from that night, and then we’ve probably done an average of three to five a week ever since.
Campbell
And can you just explain a little bit, like, uh, how those experiences were and anything that sticks out to you in particular?
Strack
Um, for me personally, I think, uh, it was so, um, fulfilling and, um, comforting to have a task, so that I couldn’t go into my own head. I, you know—there was this to get done. We were gonna go perform at the, um, uh, [AIGA Orlando’s] Love by Design today. Tomorrow, we’re doing this. Um, th—there were people in the chorus that started carrying their chorus wardrobe in their cars in case an event—an outreach event or a vigil or something—a fundraiser came up during that they that they could jump into their clothes—drive straight to the event and—and have their clothes with them, um, but it—i—it was—I—I—I went through probably, um, three days of just totally numb, sort of zombielike experience. Um, anything could make me cry. I al—I wear my emotions on my sleeve anyway [laughs]. So this just was like, “Oh, good. I’m brushing my teeth and just sobbing,” you know, um, but, uh, those three days went by and I took advantage of The [LGBT] Center [of Central Florida]’s, um, counseling that they were offering—free counseling to people, and so I went in and talked to a—a woman for about 15 minute[sic], and I think—well, I’ll share with you what I shared with her.
Eh, my—my big internal issue was that I’m—by nature, I’m a Pollyanna. I—I like making people happy. I like—I like keeping things i—in a positive space, and it was hard for me—whenever there was even an inkling of—like looking at the chorus and going, This is gonna bring us closer together. This is gonna be such a good emotional, um, outcome for us as a—as a[sic] organization, and then I’d—and then I’d go into my, How can you say there’s something good that comes out of this? And so that’s what I had to talk with her—with the counselor about—is I feel guilty trying to find the silver linings, and, um, she—she did a nice job, and by the time I walked out, I—my head was back on square again and I was able to move on—still numb, but much more myself again. So that was—that was pretty big. Probably, um, continued to have that, um, out-of-body sort of feeling for about three weeks, and then it—then it subsided and I started getting my legs under me, and we—we traveled to the, um—the festival in Denver in, uh, first part of July. So we went to the Gay and Lesbian Association of Choruses big festival, and, um, we as a chorus [laughs]—you know, the 6,000 people—singers—and they’d been sending us videos for the last like week and a half, three weeks.
“W—We Stand with Orlando.” Singing songs that were significant to them, reflecting ‘em on the Pulse ex—um, tragedy, and they would s—you know, “We’re with you, Orlando,” and a lot of it, because it was chorus-to-chorus, was directed right at us—not just the community, but to our singers—and so when we got there to Denver, the outpouring of affection and, um—I made the joke. I said, “At this point we could go onstage and all of us burp in unison [laughs] and the crowd’s gonna go crazy,” [laughs] you know, ‘cause w—we just—we could do no wrong at this point, um, and that wasn’t necessary in the end, uh, but to be there was so healing to so many of us I think, ‘cause it—it was—it was such a, um, uh, clear program that had been put out for us. You know, you can ten—attend this block of s—concerts or this block, and—and this is where we’re gonna get together for this party, and—and every—you—you got to focus on that instead of on doing another vigil.
We did get our wonderful moment onstage, and it was amazing. It was amazing, yeah—and, uh, our director, James [A.] Rode, uh, did a little speech in the mid—in—towards the end of it, um, that described sort of what our experience was as a chorus, and, uh, then wrapped it up with inviting the—the—the theaters weren’t big enough to hold everybody, so there was—you’d have concerts running simultaneously, but we had probably three thousand people in the theater we were in, and James invited ‘em to join us. Um, our final piece was, uh, “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Man of La Mancha, and so, you know, three thousand other singers—and even they—some of them wrote on—on the webpage for the GALA Choruses their experience, and—and shaking and feeling weak in the knees, and, um, the emotional—that if they hadn’t been there with their brothers and sisters in song, help and hold them up, they would’ve crumbled.
Campbell
Um, how do you feel that the—did you feel that the shooting has changed th—the—the group’s relation to the community in Orlando?
Strack
Tremendously, yeah, um, and I—because of our exposure, I think as any—as much as anything else—I mean, we—we went and sang at the, um, Orlando City Soccer [Club] game and the, um, organizers contacted the, uh, ticketholders and invited them—if you’re sitting in sections 17 through 29, wear green, and so we ended up with this rainbow around the stadium, um, and these are people that probably had never—many of them probably never even knew the Orlando Gay Chorus existed in Orlando, and yet, because of the tragedy, um, they—they stepped up as members of Orlando’s community, supporting, um, the gay community as well.
Um, one of the other things I—I found really exciting during this—is I think the Latin community, um, stepped up in a way, connecting with the gay community that hadn’t been as, um, easygoing or as—as generous, and, um—and likewise. I think the gay community felt for the Latin community—not just those people that got killed, but the—the hurt and the pain wasn’t just ours, and which—to me, I think that’s what’s made—that’s the silv—that’s the big silver lining, you know, that the Orlando—the City of Orlando, um, proved itself to be a community that could face some really wicked tragedy without the response being anger or hatred, um, or scapegoating—that, uh, from the city leaders all the way down to grandma and grandpa in their house, you know, on my street that put out their “Orlando United” sign in front. It was such a wonderful thing to see that this is—this is where I live.
Campbell
Um, and that kind of brings me to my next question. Where do kind of see the relationship between, uh, the Orlando Gay Chorus and the community going moving forward?
Strack
Um, we’re already seeing it, I think, to a degree. We are—we’re getting invited to be a part of events that normally, um—that wouldn’t reach out as far as the Gay Chorus. It would have been these church choirs and that high school choir and th—the community chorus of Orlando—that’d be the group they’d put together for this event, and now, we’re on that list. Now we’re a—a prominent piece of that invitation, um, to a point where I think there’s consciousness of, uh—“And we can’t leave them out,” you know? “They’re—they’re such a significant part of our community,” and because of the exposure we’ve had—excuse me—uh, the exposure we’ve had over the last few months, um, we’ve—people know that we’re pretty good, you know, [laughs]—that, uh, as a musical group, we’re not a flash in the pan, and you—i—if you want to give them money for your ticket, but you don’t go, “You’re not missing anything.” It’s not that way, you know, um, and like to—yesterday, which would have been the 25th of September, we, um, worked with the Second Harvest Food Bank [of Central Florida]. They provided the food, we provided all the entertainment—atmospheric as well as a concert—at the Second Harvest Food Bank to raise funds for these two very disparate non-profit organizations, and I—that never would have happened, I don’t believe. You know, maybe—maybe I’m—maybe I just have my blinders on, but I think that that’s one of the things that, as we move forward, we’re getting those opportunities, um, and bringing our story to the, you know—the general public in a way that we never had a chance to do before.
Campbell
And, uh, what did—did your membership change any a—after you started g—getting more, um, uh—I don’t want to say screen time— but more—more visibility in the community? Did people want to communicate with you all and—and maybe join the chorus? Or have your numbers kind of stayed the same throughout?
Strack
Um, we definitely saw a bump. I know that the interest—again, it’s probably twice the number of people that actually came to audition, um, but we’re over a hundred, and we were down to about 80, um, prior to, um, the Pulse massacre, be—and partly I think it’s because people just didn’t even know we were there, and partly I think it was because, um, some people wanted to step up and say, “I—I need to be a part of this forward motion that’s happening in Orlando,” and so—yeah. It, um—the demographics are about the same as far as age and, um, sexuality. We’ve—we’ve got[sic] a lot of, uh, straight allies that are part of our—our, uh—to[?] women’s section. We got our first male straight guy that’s gonna be—hopefully, he’ll be singing with us if—he just joined the chorus, um, but the general population percentages are about the same as they were before.
Campbell
Um, is there anything else, uh, about the chorus or about, um, the chorus’ response to the—to the shooting that you’d like to talk about today?
Strack
Hm, I think—well, this is gonna—I, uh, was at a point in my history with the chorus after having sung with them in every concert for 26 years, I was ready to quit. Um, I just—you know, I s—there were things going on that I didn’t necessarily all[sic] agree with, um, and I just had decided to myself, you know, sometimes, you just need to move on for your own—and for the organization’s, you know, benefit, but when—and th—there was another person in the chorus I know for a fact was in that same space, um, and after becoming such a valuable entity in the community as a chorus, and doing the vigils and doing the fundraisers, and, um, help—we—we started using that—the, um—“Love, Hope, and Healing”—“the Ambassadors of Love, Hope, and Healing,” and so, as that transpired and I got to watch that in re—in real time, I said, Uh, maybe—maybe I need to stick around, because this—this has really refocused us back to what I feel the chorus was supposed to be about, you know? It was—it’s more than just doing a concert and standing onstage. It’s—it’s building people’s pride. It’s being—yeah—more than a musical group. I was—I’ve said it’s three things. It’s music, it’s socialization, and it’s, um, political. Just the fact that we gave “gay” in the name makes us a political organization, and the socialization within the chorus members is so significant to my happiness, and then, of course, the music. You have to do—have musical excellence to be able to get an audience in the seats, um, and—and it’s really—it’s brought me back to the chorus again ever since, so another silver lining.
Campbell
Well, thank you so much for talking with us today and—and for participating in this program.
Strack
It’s my pleasure.
Schneider
Stop. Take a break. Let us know. That’s fine. Um, do you have any questions or anything before we start?
Peterson
Not off hand.
Schneider
Okay.
Peterson
Yeah.
Schneider
Yeah. Uh, so I’ll sort of introduce it and then—and then I’ll start asking you questions. Oh. And also I won’t be responding. So my job is just to listen, hear your experience and I’ll just…
Peterson
And listen to me…
Schneider
…ask questions.
Peterson
…yammer on.
Schneider
But I won’t be saying, “Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah.” ‘Cause that can get a [laughs]—get annoying when you’re listening to the interview later. So…
Peterson
Okay.
Schneider
I’m really interested but I just won’t respond. So yeah.
Peterson
Sounds fair.
Schneider
Yeah. All set?
Peterson
Yeah. We’re good.
Schneider
Okay.
Peterson
Alright.
Schneider
Today is Sunday, October 23rd, 2016. My name is Sarah Schneider and I am conducting an oral history interview with Scott Peterson of the Orlando Gay Chorus. The interview is being conducted at the Orlando Public Library in Orlando, Florida.
Thank you for being here.
Peterson
It’s my pleasure.
Schneider
And can you start off by stating your name for us?
Peterson
Scott Peterson.
Schneider
Thank you.
Peterson
That’s right.
Schneider
And, um—so could you tell me where you were born and how long you’ve been in Orlando?
Peterson
I was born in Des Moines, Iowa. And finished all my schooling in Iowa. Graduated college from the University of Northern Iowa and then immediately moved to Orlando because my sister was living here. And I didn’t have any other plans [laughs]. So…
Peterson
Uh. Well, let’s see. Oh, and then I—I moved here in ’85 to Orlando. And I joined the chorus in Christmas of ‘99—was the first performance that I sang with.
Schneider
Um, and what brought you to the chorus?
Peterson
I had had my first relationship and it had ended a couple years prior to that. And, uh, was finally starting to want to be more social again. And—and I knew somebody who sang in the chorus. And I’d been to a couple of performances, but not really very many over the years. I hadn’t really been aware of it. I knew that it existed, but that’s it.
So I went ahead and joined with my friend. And then just completely was taken in by the whole community and the sense of being able to sing, which I’ve always enjoyed since I was a kid. Although I don’t have any formal training in singing. Um, I did take one course one summer during college. But, um—so, uh, I don’t know. It was fun. And there were people that were fun and welcoming. And people to socialize with. So kind of initially, and probably my first motivation, was just to be social. And to be around a lot of other folks that were gay, which was kind of a treat at that point. Rather than just going to the gay bars.
So, uh, it was beautiful. And it was a good cause. And it was all about music, which as I said, I’ve always enjoyed that. Then, thankfully, they were pretty welcoming. I don’t know how—I cannot officially read music but can follow very well. And you can kind of intuitively build, you know, a sense of following the notes and such. So I’m blessed enough to have some natural ability to do that. And to memorize music and—and it started there. So…
Schneider
Mmhmm. And what have been some of your favorite productions or events you’ve done over the years with them?
Peterson
[sighs] Oh. Favorite things. Well, the GALA[1] Festivals that they go to every four years are very memorable. Um, I didn’t go to one that happened the very first—or that following year after I joined. I was just a little green and not prepared to—to take a week off and invest the money that it takes to go on a trip to wherever the festivals are.
Um, but, uh, been to four of them now. The first one I went to was in Montreal[, Québec, Canada], which was fun ‘cause that was the first time I’d actually been out of the country. So it was just overwhelming and very empowering to be at a place where there are all these people that are committed to making music and to the whole putting ourselves out there to—to kind of help bring about change ultimately. Very intrica—very slowly sometimes. But ultimately, if you just keep at it things do change. So that’s what I felt.
So to be surrounded in that festival with all these people singing for each other—[inaudible]. I mean there’s a little bit of competition in a way just because people are naturally that way. But it’s not a completion. It’s just a festival of celebration. And celebrate all the choruses and all their efforts no matter how big they are or small.
So, uh, it was very emotional. And it was very empowering. And kind to—all those experiences, and being with the chorus—I was thinking about that before I came today. It’s like, What has it done for me s—on a personal level? Uh, and I was reflecting on that is to—growing up when I grew up, ‘cause I’m 57. 57 now. I was born in ’59. So my high school years were the ‘70s. I graduated high school in ’77. And at that point in time, being gay and in the Midwest, it was, you know. Des Moines’s a pretty good city. Pretty multicultural in some respects. But still it was pretty conservative. And it was in the ‘70s. And I didn’t know any other gay people. And, uh, you feel pretty isolated. And at first you don’t even know how to i—how to identify yourself that way. ‘Cause that was kind of—you didn’t have anything—there was nothing on television really to help you compare or contrast or to identify with. It was just knowing that you had a little different sense of people. And what you were attracted to as far as people. And not knowing what to do with that. And, of course, all the natural guilt that we’re always subjected to with society.
And so that would have colored[?] my whole experience about myself and who I was. And about my sexuality. And then college kind of helped me explore a little bit to at least realize what I was about that way. And then, uh, you know, you muddle through. You get through college. And you find employment. And start your career. And then—but joining the chorus was the first time that I routinely was exposed to a large number of gay people, where you start to have some senses like, Well, this is—it’s just—it’s—there’s diversity like crazy. Just as there is in the—in the straight population or the population of what you don’t even know what people are. And then to be in a gay population on a routine basis like that kind of helped me increasingly feel okay I guess about my sexuality. Even though I felt pretty blessed. My parents weren’t really—they weren’t shocked. Um, they were pretty—my parents had actually had parties and in—invited, uh, at least a couple of gay couples to ‘em over the years. But that was it. That was my only exposure. At least I had that much, thankfully. I was actually pretty grateful to—to them that they were open-minded enough to at least have that come into my awareness as a kid so I had some idea of where I might possibly go with my relationships.
But—but the chorus has been, as I said, s—it’s such a[sic] empowering experience. Growthful[sic]. Yeah. You know?
Schneider
Mm. And so you mentioned that you went to the GALA Chorus [Festival] in Montreal and …
Peterson
Montreal…
Schneider
…um, [inaudible]…
Peterson
…and then we had one in Miami[, Florida] four years later. And then now we’ve had two in Denver[, Colorado], which was really fun. I think the next one—next one is in Minneapolis[, Minnesota] in another four years.
So, uh, they’re all very different. And—and to be immersed not only in your local community, but then to see such a massive community when you go to a GALA Festival. It’s like the hotels are full and the people out and about. And everybody’s being very prideful. And sh—displaying whatever. Whatever their lives are about with some sense of freedom to just express yourself and whatever it is. It’s—it’s a very beautiful thing. So…
SchneiderPeterson
I, uh…
Schneider
…in Orlando?
Peterson
…well—well, it was Sunday. I don’t remember what I was doing anymore. I picked it up on the radio I guess. I listen to a lot of public radio. It’s kind of my go-to. And then the information started coming in. And it was, um—it’s one of those things you just, um—I guess it’s what you routinely hear with people who go through some kind of horrific event. You don’t really realize what’s going on right away. Or how it’s impacting you right away. A certain amount of you just kind of goes into shock.
And then there were also—first thing is you’re, you know, so concerned about, Was there anybody that I was close to that could have been there? It’s not a club that I frequented. I’d been a couple of times years ago. But, uh, I know a diverse group of people. And some are younger. Would tend to possibly have been there. And—and, uh—and you go through those—that time of trying to identify. And Facebook had this, uh, check-in feature that they put out, which was really nice. ‘Cause you could immediately go and find the people with that. But there was one particular person that I had in mind that it was like really concerned. I mean he wasn’t checking in. And it’s like—and so I had some of that sense of not knowing for a while. But that all worked out okay. But, certainly, I have friends of friends who either were pa—died or dramatically injured. So a lot of people were affected.
Um, and then it was interesting how the chorus was in that position. We were asked to come help right away as far as memorials or—there was one—I don’t know if it was that—it was Monday night I think. At Joy MCC[2]. I don’t—I can’t remember the timing anymore. But one, very quickly, the—the—the MCC Church had a big memorial. Gathering people. And they asked the chorus to come and we were there. And then they just started coming more and more frequently. You know? A couple two or three times a week. Sometimes it became—suddenly these outreach experiences—what we called them is outreaches. When we perform outside of our regular big events—were happening routinely. And it was, um, kind of a journey. Kind of cathartic in a way ‘cause it was forcing us to re-experience our emotional reaction to what was happening. Kind of over and over again. So it probably helped speed up the process of recovering. Maybe. I don’t know. [inaudible]. It was pretty overwhelming, those first few days.I had kind of in a way—thankfully was, uh, due to leave town for a week to go spend time with my family. So went to a few outreaches and then I was pulled away to do that. And I kind of was glad because I felt like I needed a—it was so intense, the experience here, that it felt good to be pulled away and to go and kind of recover privately for a while. And then to—came back and—and involved in a lot of the outreaches as much as I can. Again since then. So…
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
…uh, Pulse kind of changed the whole trajectory of the chorus’s activity level.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
Yeah.
Schneider
And so can you say more about what—what the experience was like at the visual—at the vigils, um…
Peterson
Uh, the vigils…
Schneider
…what was that like?
Peterson
Uh, just very sorrowful. Um, especially the first time. There’s just a lot of tears. And realizing how you’re impacted and not even understanding when I haven’t personally lost someone that was integral to my life, and yet as a community, it felt so close to home. It felt very personal emotionally. Um, so I—that was—I kind of lost track of my—what was your question again?
Schneider
Um, what was—what was it like being at the vigil? What was the atmosphere like? Um…
Peterson
Oh. So that—yeah. So to—again, that cathartic [inaudible]—to even realize that you’re that hurt. You’re going through these expressions of caring and recognizing what’s happened to people. And what’s happened to our community. And—and the lives of those people who were impacted very, uh, personally. Um, being put into your awareness over and over again. With the ringing of the bells for instance. The most—other than that first night when we sang at Joy MCC Church, which was poignant. And the place was just full of people. It was very intense. And there were many pastors of many different faiths who were up at the front. And everybody trying to find their way to identify what’s happened. And—and to comfort. And to—to recognize the people that have lost their lives initially. It just—that emotional experience kept ebbing and flowing as far as how intense it would feel.
But, uh, the most memorable thing was the, um—the sea of people that showed up for the—the memorial vigil that was, um, at the Dr. Phillips Center [for the Performing Arts] in that large yard out in front that backs up to the City Hall. And we showed up kind of early like we always do to try and get organized. And we’re usually preoccupied with where we—where are we gonna be? How many of us are gonna be here? What music are we gonna sing? Who’s gonna direct? It’s just logistics issues. And then we’re doing a lot of waiting. And then, finally, we go up onstage. And we’ve got everything prepared. We know what we’re gonna do. And you look out and the sun is starting to go down. And so the—the atmosphere ultimately became candles. And just a sea of people. And—and, uh, the ringing of the bells at the church next door. It, um—uh, very memorable.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
Never ever in—in life I can’t imagine things much more poignant.
Schneider
Mm.
Peterson
Um, that was—yeah. Well, that’s what I remember.
Schneider
Mmhmm. Um, and you said that the vigils continued over time.
Peterson
Lots of small…
Schneider
[inaudible].
Peterson
…events. Um—uh, there have been—first responders had a breakfast. I know that some of us went and sang—I think they sang a song and—off—or national anthem maybe to start their event. So a lot of different groups that would never have thought to reach out to the chorus for—to help make their event. To help add to the ceremony. We’ve been doing that routinely now. So, uh, first responders. Um, the different pride events around Central Florida. We just did Volusia [County] this weekend. And we did, uh, one over in Melbourne[, Florida], uh, perhaps three—I think three weeks ago. Um, we have others that are coming up that had just—like two or three a week. It’s slowed down a little but now, but there still are—we’re frequently thought of and asked if we can come and support and sing a couple songs or, uh—Volusia we just did a 30, 40-minute set for them to help celebrate pride. Um, so that’s been frequent.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
We used to do—I would say the chorus would do probably 10 or a dozen outreaches maybe over a span of a year before that. Normally we have two major performances. Um, one for the holiday and one in the spring. Um, which are full-on, you know, performances at the, uh, Plaza Theater[3]. And then we also offer three, uh—what do they call them? Cabarets. Through the year. Um, one was[sic] just happened this Friday. Thursday? Thursday. Friday? Well, anyway, it just happened. And it was Friday. And Uncut’s a little racy. So that happens at the Parliament House, which is an appropriate setting to have racy kind of [laughs]—a racy show. And then the other one—one is called Love Is, which is sweet and comes[?] around Valentine’s Day, which is the anniversary of the chorus. Valentine’s Day. And then the other one I’m trying to [inaudible] continue off the top of my head right at the moment with the other ensemble or the outreach [inaudible]. Um, whatever it is that they’re called.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
But we’ve been doing that for a long time. So have five performances that are kind of built into our schedule here.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
Aside from that.
Schneider
And what were some of the songs and their content of the—of what you sang? Um, and was that typical or different for…
Peterson
For the vigils?
Schneider
…the vigils? Yeah.
Peterson
Uh, thankfully we had just finished a—a performance that—this spring that had a few songs that kind of lent to the subject matter of what would feel appropriate to sing. Uh, “True Colors” is one that kind of became a signature so to speak to the event. Uh, we sang that at the—the [Joy] MCC Church that first night. And they’ve done it many, many times since then. Um, it just works.
There were quite a few songs. Uh, I’m not really the best to tell you as far as pulling times off the top of my head. But, um, “You’ll Never Walk Alone” has been used a lot. “True Colors”. Um, I don’t know. I can almost see the titles. But—and, uh, we had—we were preparing to go to Denver for the latest GALA Festival [door closes] right at the same time that Pulse happened. We’d already put together a different song format when we’re preparing to learn songs to go to GALA this last, um, June. June or July. And then—July. And then changed and actually used music that had been from our just previous concert that we already pretty much knew. And pretty much sculpted the theme of the musical we presented to be appropriate to the tragedy at Pulse when we went to GALA.
So that was a very interesting experience. Going to GALA right after that. Being with the larger gay community from across the country, uh, was extremely moving. Uh, the other choruses were very, uh, acknowledging of what our chorus had done. And how we were—had responded to the community’s need. And also, what had probably—I assume they were sensing would have affected us personally, being so close to the tragedy. Um, it was a very, uh—when you’re kind of hurt and you want to be with family. Or, you know, when you kind of want to retreat. It felt something like that on a—but on this global scale with so many people. It was so, uh, uplifting and heartwarming to realize that you could kind of let yourself down and—and repeatedly break into tears occasionally. Just because you’re remembering or you’re realizing how much you’ve been holding attention from what had happened. And trying to be there and be strong for the community. And yet, you have your own needs. Your own personal adjustment that you’re still going through. So they were—they were beautiful. All the choruses.
And—and especially during our performance when we were sculpting it to recognize what had happened at Pulse. And we had some visuals that went with the music. And it became a whole—that whole theater was just full of people emotionally responding and singing with us at one particular song. Um, I wish I could tell you which it was off the top of my head. But the whole place is trying to sing. And—and crying through it at the same time, which the chorus was even suffering a little bit on trying to keep ourselves together. It was such a memorable—everyone holding hands through this massive—it’s a big, huge theater that—where we were. It’s just really emotional.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
And helpful. Beautiful at the same time. It was hard. So…
Schneider
Mm.
Peterson
Yeah. But that’s been life.
Peterson
Local community?
Schneider
…everything. I’m curious what—yeah.
Peterson
Um, I’m really surprised…
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
…honestly. And proud of Orlando. And how it’s—it seemed to step up to and recognize and embrace. I mean at—this tragedy certainly affected everybody in the local vicinity more personally because it was so close to home. But to have the sense that they were embracing the gay community and the Latin gay community. And just trying to comfort is how it felt. It felt like they were really ready to step up and—and try and protect and comfort.
Schneider
Mm.
Peterson
Especially those subsects of our—subsets of our community that may have felt it more personally. Um, and I still see some of that. And it’s still—it’s changed my concept of Orlando. As far as the culture, I always felt that it was a—it’s a nice place. I’ve enjoyed living here. But it always seems for newcomers—I always hear that it’s kind of hard to make friends. It’s hard to meet people. It’s hard to find a community to connect with. Um, and that seems much in contrast with what I saw happen after Pulse. And how the whole city seemed to react and want to—to mourn together and to recognize together. And to—and to support the people that were hurt personally as much as possible, too. It’s been very beautiful.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
I really am proud and surprised at how—to the degree which this—that everybody stepped up [sighs].
Schneider
Yeah. Did you, um, experience feedback as part of the gay chorus from [inaudible]—um, did you hear from people outside the local community? Um, I know you mentioned being at GALA. But was there anything else that you heard from other communities after Pulse happened?
Peterson
Well, of course, my family. My family’s across the coun—my sister’s in Asheville[, North Carolina]. And, um, my parents live with my brother and his family—step-sister are all back in the Des Moines area still. Um, so you know that sense, it’s kind of like when a hurricane happens or some other horrific thing, it’s like family calls to check in. Friends from far away will call to check in to make sure you’re alright. And there was some of that, too. You could tell that the whole country on different—to whatever degree that they would recognize what was happening here. It was very personal crisis for the people that are nearby. Anyway, I—I saw them and quite a bit.
And the news. I tend to listen to public radio, as I said. So public radio tends to be a little bit more socially maybe sensitive. Maybe minded. And so I did hear stories about things around the country. And people having vigils around the country. And it was nice to—to…
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
…feel supported that way.
Peterson
That’s a—well, initially it became one of those places where you have to make a choice. Are you prepared to drive by, of course, for the first couple of months. They were—I think it was a couple of months before I decided to travel down Orange Avenue. Um, and I was kind of glad it wasn’t as—I was glad I finally did it. It wasn’t as awful as I thought. And then, uh, I don’t know. I just—it wasn’t a real personal club for me. Like I said, I was thought it was more for a younger [inaudible]—uh, age group generally. It’s a generalization.
But, um, the memorial of—that’s been built there with people responding—I’ve seen many people like taking vigils to go and experience some sense of being closer to the people that were hurt and were killed. Uh, they’re still real present. I mean just the other night we went to the vigil that, um—it was a[sic] art experience. They were trying to do healing with art. And created this big banner. And, uh, put it up on the side of the wall. And this was the first time apparently that they’ve allowed public inside the fencing that was put up as a perimeter to protect the—the building and—and the investigation that was going on initially.
So it—it was interesting. It kind of felt like an opportunity for—or a time for the community to start taking back a little bit. It’s like to—a place that nobody seemed welcome inside of anymore. It was like a forbidden kind of sense about it. And now it feels like that’s starting to be chipped away at. And that I guess I can—apparently, I understand that they may reestablish a cl—the club there. Or…
Schneider
Mm.
Peterson
…I think that that’s the plan. I don’t really pay attention to this ultimately. But—or that there may be a memorial. Or I don’t know what they’re going to do. But, um—but I think that was like—it was an experience, again, where eventually it will be taken back. And every bill—everybody will have access to that. What was apparently a really central place for a community to meet. For all the folks that were frequent—frequently went there.
But, um, it was kind of nice. I’m glad that they had that event. That started making [inaudible]. But hard to imagine actually walking in there. But everything will change. And everything does eventually heal. No matter what the trauma you experience in your life. Every—time always makes things okay again. All the time—or at least livable. So I can see them having a club again.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
[inaudible].
Peterson
The checking in.
Schneider
[inaudible].
Peterson
And then really moving was seeing the mosaics. People were creating mosaics of the people whose lives were lost immediately. Um, which was beautiful in a way because it made it more personal. You can see someone’s face. And you can—it helps—it helps me sense that I had an emotional connection to the people that died. And I actually—although I’ll never have known them, but it just—something about seeing human faces, and it—it helped. It helped make it more real and made the emotions seem to make sense.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
So that was really dramatic. Facebook really made that possible. Um, a much quicker way. You know, all the expressions of love. And all the outreaches that the chorus would do. There’s always pictures taken. And posting so you can identify that you were there. And kind of helps create a, um—a—a record. Like a personal record, too. Just, you know—you can save posts. And now I have something that can ultimately go back and when I want to remember what that journey was like and what it felt like at different points of time after that happened. Um, it’s a very beautiful thing that we have that. To—to personally archive events that happened to us to easy[sic].
Peterson
Or even the country I…
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
…hope. I—I thought of this fairly early on, too. It’s like it seems so almost—I don’t know. I almost feel a little bit of, um—a little bit of guilt on some level of wanting to see a silver lining when people’s lives were taken. Where people’s lives were so dramatically altered and hurt. Um, but I kind of felt that or sensed it that that potential existed kind of early on. It’s like such an awful thing to see the way the country was reacting, and in particular the way Orlando was reacting, was very heartwarming. Very encouraging. Um, to further what has been such a long struggle as people have put themselves out there.
And many people have died over time as a result of a focused assault on gay people. But, uh, I’ve seen a lot change in my lifetime in that respect. Even to the point of gay marriage now being legal, which when I was a kid—when I was a teenager, never would have dreamt of such a thing ever. Not in my—from that vantage point, seeing what it was like to be gay. And that it was such a closeted thing. And—and, uh—and that people could get hurt. That—to think it could come to the point where finally the majority of people recognize and stand up and were willing to protect rights of gay people, too.
Um, so it kind of seems like we’ve come through so much already. And then to have such an awful event. And then to witness, because so much has already been done socially, where people are getting to the point where they seem to understand a little bit, that just like anybody else—that gay people have—need to be protected and cared for just like any other subsects in our country. Um, it kind of—it seems like there’s some beautiful, divine plan. That ultimately, society is growing. Society is getting better towards—towards everybody’s benefit. That I think the more inclusive we are, the more able to empathize with and care for people that are—have different experiences than what we have. That ultimately, we’re all better off. That that’s a much stronger place to be. Which is kind of somewhat helpful because the other influences across the world don’t seem like we’re going that way. There’s so much hate. And the terrorism. And all the misunderstanding. People don’t understand each other. And people get all confused about what other people’s motivations are. So much destruction happens, but this is kind of a case of—we’re seeing something getting better. That maybe for the human race in general that there’s some—that there’s better hope that we can continue to be better at taking care of each other.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
So just a nice piece of evidence that there is hope.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
Yeah.
Um, do you have any other reflections about the Pulse shooting or being a member of the gay chorus? Or anything else that—that you’d like to talk about?
Peterson
Um, the Pulse shooting? No. The gay chorus is, uh—it’s kind of interesting ‘cause I’m becoming one of the older members in the chorus now [laughs]. Um, ‘cause when I joined, let’s see—’99 I would have been—I was 41? Yeah. 40. I was 40 when I joined the chorus, which is—well, it’s still relatively—and I’m still relatively young. But—but a lot of time has gone on. And we have younger people now that are part of the chorus. We’ve always been really good at having a pretty diverse, uh, age group. Like we have some folks that have been in their eighties. I think we had a member that was 80 plus. And we’ve had some that were actually minors still. And, um, a parent would join the chorus as a support person. And then the minor child was singing with the chorus. We’ve had that happen more than once.
So, uh, it’s interesting to see the young people and—that get to experience—especially young gay people because of that community we have. And to see how their lives are so much different than what my life was like going through those times of [inaudible]. Um, it’s nice. It’s a—it’s something that’s alive. It’s a community that continues to grow. It has generations. It’s, um—it’s—it’s very much like a big family in a way. It’s still—and some of the relationships are actually in some ways more important that some folks develop than maybe the relationships that they currently have with their family members. ‘Cause there are still people that suffer from not having support. Or—or have relationships that are severely damaged with their biological family. Hopefully a lot less than it used to be. But that does certainly still happen. Even with the young folks. So in that respect, also, the chorus becomes more than just s—it becomes friendships. And it becomes people you rely on. And people that will be there when crises happen. And we kind of take care of each other. And respect[?] us[?]. So it’s interesting how the chorus is more than just a singing group. And more than just a, uh, social advancement movement. That it’s also a huge community of people. And it’s kind of nice. That’s how I feel about the chorus.
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
[laughs].
Schneider
Is there anything else you wanted to share or talk about?
Peterson
[sighs] No. Not off the top of my head [laughs].
Schneider
Mmhmm.
Peterson
Yeah.
Schneider
Well, thank you so much. We really appreciate that you were willing to do an interview.
Peterson
Thanks for all of the effort to—this is a beautiful thing…
Schneider
Yeah.
Peterson
… that you’re doing. How many interviews do you think you’re having?
Schneider
Um [sighs]. Maybe about 30. I’m—I’m not positive.
Peterson
Oh. It’s…
Schneider
But I know a good number…
Peterson
…yeah.
Schneider
…at least. Yeah. Yeah.
Peterson
Hm.That’s a good third, approximately…
Schneider
Yeah.
Peterson
…of the chorus. That’s great.
Schneider
Yeah. Thank you so much.
Peterson
Thank you.